My entire past is full of countless diet attempts, hundreds of pounds in weight loss, with hundred pounds more of weight re-gain over a lifetime. In 2005 my family and I moved back home to Indiana after spending a year and half in Florida while my husband followed one of his passions in life.
When we returned home I was at an all time high in my weight with high blood pressure, sleep apnea, major back pain, borderline diabetic, lethargic, aches and pains in places I didn't know existed, no self esteem with major depression. Physically and mentally I was exhausted.
At the age of 33 I felt like I was a failure as a wife and mom because I did not have the energy/stamina to do the everyday things in life. Not only was I a failure to my family I was a failure to myself. Why and how could I let myself get to this point?
I felt like I was the mom who always sat on the sidelines. I would cringe anytime my husband or son suggested a trip to the park, a walk into town or a bike ride around the neighborhood. When we did go to the park I quickly became winded walking from the car to the playground. I had no energy left to push my son on the swing. I could feel my body overheating immediately and sweat rolling down my forehead. My heart was pounding so hard I felt like it was coming through my chest. I would find the closest picnic table and sit down as fast as I could because I felt like I couldn't breathe. What kind of mom doesn't push her son on the swings? I can remember feeling so alienated from my family and from the world.
My dog would look at me with the sad puppy eyes just begging me to take her for a walk and when I couldn't bring myself to do it she'd hang her head and walk away. I'd lay awake at night hearing my son's voice saying "Mommy why won't you ever ride your bike with me?" Words cannot describe what happens to a parent when you feel like you've let your kids down.
I was driving into work one morning when a voice came over the radio. It was a young woman discussing her health, how it had deteriorated, her co-morbidities and how it was affecting her physically and mentally. I felt like I knew this person's voice on the other end of the radio, and her story was so familiar but I couldn't figure out why.
I came to the realization that I was so emotional over this because it was my personal story I was hearing. I had spent so much time focusing on taking care of my family and friends that I completely discounted what I had been personally going through for many years. That was it, I was DONE.
I sat my husband down the next day and expressed my concerns to him. I stated that I was interested in Bariatric surgery and why. I was amazed at the heart warming response he gave me. He explained that he was behind me 150% and would do whatever I needed him to do. December of 2005 I attended a few weight loss seminars to gather more information on the programs in my area.
I had completed many hours of research but I decided it would be in my best interest to attend support group. I wanted to hear the good and the bad right from the horse's mouth.
I ended up attending support group for 2 years while I fought with my husband's employer to cover the procedure. In 2007 I started a new job and was excited to find out they choose to cover bariatric surgery.
October 2007 I had the RNY Gastric Bypass procedure. At my 6 month mark I had lost 100lbs which I never thought possible. The past few years have been very eventful for me physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My journey to date has not been easy and I've hit many road bumps along the way. I've had several complications with numerous visits to the ER and the OR. Those visits consisted of an abscess, dehydration, ulcers, gall bladder removal, internal hernia, an intuccesseption with a revision of my anastomosis.
Despite all of the trials and tribulations I have been through, I still believe that bariatric surgery is a major life saving event. I know in my heart of hearts this was one of the most important and correct decisions I've made for my life.
When people find out that I've had multiple surgeries many do ask the question - Would you do it all over again and are you still and advocate for this? My answer is simply YES. Although this has been a tough road I still consider myself to be one of the biggest advocates for this cause in my area. I believe that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know why or like it when it happens but at some point we later discover what it was all about.
God doesn't give us more than we can handle right? Yes some days I believe he may have the wrong address but in the end what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If that's the case I consider myself to be one very strong woman!
Today I maintain a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle. I have persevered through the uneven path of my journey. I have tried new and healthier food items that I would have never considered prior to surgery! My family has followed in my footsteps and is now more conscious of making healthier choices.
My days consist of preparing meals for the next day to help me stay on track and make healthier choices. I have smaller Tupperware containers that I use specifically for me and portion control. I am a creature of habit and will eat the same thing for weeks at a time and then switch my menu.
I do not eat foods that are high in fat or sugar. If it doesn't contain a good amount of protein I don't touch it. No carbonated beverages, no fried foods, no bread, no foods full of sugar or sugar alcohols. If sugar is listed in the first 3 ingredients I don't eat it.
My mindset is that I did this to become healthier and it's not worth risking everything I've accomplished for a piece of cake, something fried in greasy oil or carbonated beverages. Not to mention the fact that any of those items would physically make me ill. I have a healthy fear of dumping and I wish to continue that fear for a long time.
I don't have the mentality of eat everything in moderation because I am a food addict; there is no moderation for me so I just don't go there. I am VERY aware of my trigger foods and I have learned that I am powerless over food. If any of my trigger foods are in my house my old friend "Handful Harry" will sneak out and I will consume those items by the handful until I am miserable.
I recognize that surgery was performed on my stomach, not my head and my food issues are something I have to deal with daily on a physical and psychological level. I choose to seek outside professional help to guide me through this journey because I know I can't always do it on my own.
Every day I tell myself to make healthy choices, take my vitamins, consume 80-100 grams of protein drink at least 64oz of fluid and stay hydrated. I always do my best to remove all negative energy and surround myself with the positive to help take care of ME! Do I always succeed, No, but do I get up the next day and start over? Yes.
For me Bariatric surgery is like a 3-legged stool. The top of the stool is Bariatric Surgery; the three legs consist of eating habits, exercise and support. If I take any of these three legs away my stool falls over and I set myself up for sabotage. I believe in following my programs guidelines regarding nutrition/exercise along with follow up visits.
My determination along with all of these components helps make me a successful patient. Surgery was a tool I was given. It's up to me how I handle that tool and what I do with it. This is a lifelong life style change and every day I take ownership of my actions to change my past behaviors and make good choices. If you are not willing to change your life style (ex: your eating habits, making healthier choices, removing sugar, exercising, putting yourself first, protecting your new pouch by giving it protein and hydration, removing the negative people/environments out of your life, taking your vitamins and supplements, follow-up visits to see a dietician and your surgeon, continually getting dietary support/mental support and taking care of YOU, all of this for the rest of your LIFE) then you need to seriously stop and think if this is the right decision for you!
Believe me when I tell you this is NOT the easy way out. It is far from easy.
April of 2008 I started working for the bariatric clinic where I had my surgery! I am blessed with the opportunity to work with bariatric patients on a daily basis and share in their trials and triumphs. I truly feel that my personal experience gives me an intimate knowledge to help my fellow WLS patients. In my opinion it doesn't matter how much you read in a book and how much education you receive you can't compare it to personal life experiences.
Some things I've learned after surgery: Reality has shown me that some people will never understand or support my decision to have Bariatric surgery and I have chosen to be at peace with that. I am a firm believer in having a strong support system surrounding me at all times and have learned to weed out the people who try to bring in negativity. I have to do what's best for ME.
No matter what my physical size or shape is, people will always have an opinion and the only one that truly matters is MINE!! What's most important is how I feel about myself!
What positive things have I gained from having surgery?
Here are a few..
Ride my bike for miles with my son and not be in pain
Walk 3+ miles without passing out
Cross my legs
Look down and see my feet
No longer having health issues like; sleep apnea, high blood pressure, PCOS, joint pain, extreme back pain
Mobility to work outside in the yard
Celebrating my 10 year wedding anniversary with a deeper love and bond than I could ever imagine
Better quality of life/self-esteem
Energy/desire to live life to its fullest
Attending an Indianapolis Colts game, walking from the parking lot, past the stadium 1/2 mile to grab some dinner, walk a 1/2 mile back to the stadium, up all the stairs to our seats without being winded/exhausted, and the ability to FIT in the seat...
One of my goals is to educate the public on obesity and share my personal journey in hopes of touching others lives. To help me do that I have earned my certification as a life coach, I maintain a blog dedicated to weight loss patients, I work with bariatric patients on a daily basis and I am a support group leader for Obesity Help.
If it wasn't for the love and support of my family and friends I would not be the person I am today.
